Monday, 18 January 2016

My Wife is a Thief. My Husband is a Liar

Akwasi and Belinda my neighbours ruined my day with their marital matters. I am still trying to figure out a good reason for why two individuals sheltered under a roof can be as bitter and hostile as to hurl vitriolic words at each other for almost a fourth of the day. Waking up around 11am, I desired to grab a final round of snoring and sleeping before I face the ever-waiting laundry. The noise, poisoning the quiet afternoon overpowered me so I quickly abandoned the idea of more sleep. I decided that it was in my own interests to begin the day’s task immediately and to just find a way to ignore their rout.

Though we have been neighbours for two years, I had never set eyes on them except for the images that formed in my mind’s eye. Akwasi, average-height; chocolate-skinned; a broad chest; sunken eyes and a generally imposing figure. Belinda is light-skinned; has short-hair, a heavy bust-line sitting partially on a lean waist and curvy backside.

They occupy a chamber and Hall rented apartment, their window facing my cubicle. My room stands just about a meter away from theirs, only separated by the landlord’s special water gallons. Initially, I got furious. I reasoned that I would have broken no law if I proceeded to deliver to them a gross lecture on Tenancy regulations. That I should have a good case of what to say, I decided to snake my left ear against the side frame of their window to listen. I rejected the idea immediately; rather, an obstinate desire to be wowed by their escapade grew in me.

The chatter from their apartment rose and filled my room like smoke from a bush fire. Akwasi was here accusing his wife of having stolen his money. He insisted that he had folded the money into the back pocket of his jeans trousers the previous day. Belinda would not take the accusations likely, dismissing his every attempt to label her a thief. I reasoned that a wife cannot be a thief in her matrimonial home, she could be a taker.

The anger in Belinda’s voice was raw and fresh. She reminded her husband of saying he had no money when she requested for some the previous night. He would not answer the question but to dismiss it with rounds of sarcastic laughter and then repeat his accusations. She was her own lawyer. He was his own judge. I, ‘the audience’ was enjoying the courtroom affairs.

Belinda dared him to hit her, slap her and do whatever he wanted with her because she couldn’t cope with his attitude anymore. She threatened to leave his home but he doesn’t give a hoot. Rather, he laughed, chuckled, and then expressed shock at her comments. Akwasi seemed to press Belinda’s infuriation button by his sinister grins. She pushed herself into his face. “You are wicked and heartless. Kill me! Kill me!! Foolish man!!! I asked you for money and you said you had none; now you accuse me of stealing your money. How do you expect me to cook in this house” she ranted.

Akwasi swallowed the insults, resisting the temptation of applying the weight of his heavy palms to her face while equally resisting the temptation to walk out of the room. Most men avoid nagging wives by avoiding their presence. He knew his being there hurt her more and he was prepared to satisfy that inner desire to the fullest. If he smacked her, she would cry sore, attract the attention of other tenants, which he reasoned would simply curtail their arguments and of course his quest to retrieving his money.

To my amazement, the couple went on for another hour after the other, driving each other nuts with insults and counter insults. Around 4pm, Belinda began to wear out; her voice shook as she struggled to deliver her verbal punches, her voice straining under her throat with every subsequent utterance. Akwasi, buoyed by her being close to tears reminded her that this was his home and that he had the final say. Out of nowhere, he averred that since she claimed innocence to not taking his ten ghana cedis, he would resort to the assistance of a fetish. Fetish?


Fetish to retrieve ten ghana cedis? I could not hold back my awe at the goof. What is doing laundry to hearing all over the cause of the couple’s struggles? I admitted that doing laundry was totally insignificant to the case at hand. Luckily, he repeated himself in that condensed Ga accent. “It’s okay, don’t worry woman, since you said you did not take my ten ghana cedis, Okomfo Do Wonders will find out whom.” Wow! What a waste of my ears and time.

Copyright (C) 2016
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